Children at Weddings: Helping Little Hearts Feel Safe on the Big Day
Weddings are exciting, emotional and full of big moments — and that applies to children too. When we think about a wedding ceremony, we often think about the happy couple, the vows, the rings, the laughter and, of course, the tears. But what about the children sitting in the room? As a wedding celebrant, I think it’s really important that we remember that a wedding ceremony can be a very big emotional experience for a child, especially when the people getting married are their mum and dad. Sometimes those tears can be confusing Children between roughly 7 and 12 years old can be particularly sensitive to what is happening around them. They may not be used to seeing their parents cry. They may not be used to seeing grandparents, aunties, uncles or other family members becoming emotional either. And while we adults understand that these are often happy tears, a child may simply see someone they love crying and think: “Are they okay?” “What’s wrong?” “Why is everyone crying?” That’s why I think having a little conversation with children before the wedding can make such a difference. Explain to them what a wedding ceremony is going to be like. Tell them that there may be laughter, there may be tears and there may be lots of emotions — but that they’re all part of the happiness of the day. You could even say: “You might see Mammy or Daddy cry during the ceremony, but don’t worry. They’re happy tears because they’re so happy to be marrying each other.” That little bit of preparation can give a child reassurance and help them understand what they’re seeing rather than becoming worried or overwhelmed. And then we have our little ones! Children from around one to four years old are a completely different story! Let’s be honest — expecting a toddler to sit quietly and still for 20 or 30 minutes isn’t always realistic. They’re little people with very short attention spans, and a wedding ceremony isn’t exactly designed around keeping a toddler entertained! They may get distracted. They may wriggle. They may want to explore. They may decide that this is the perfect moment to have a conversation with the person sitting beside them! And that’s okay. One little tip I often recommend is to bring something along that the child hasn’t seen before. It doesn’t need to be expensive or complicated. A new colouring book, a small toy, some colouring pencils or another quiet activity can give them something to focus on during the ceremony. The key word is new. Something they’ve never seen before can be far more interesting than the toy they’ve had for the last six months! If they become upset, let them find their safe place And this is one I feel quite strongly about. If a young child becomes upset during a ceremony, I believe it’s important that, where possible, they are allowed to go to their parent. A child who is already overwhelmed doesn’t necessarily understand why somebody they don’t know as well is taking them out of the room. They may interpret it as: “I’ve done something wrong.” And that’s the last thing we want. They haven’t done anything wrong. They’re simply being a child in a very busy, emotional and unfamiliar environment. If Mum or Dad is their safe place, let them go to Mum or Dad. Sometimes a cuddle, a little reassurance and a few quiet words are all they need before they’re ready to come back in. And sometimes they’re not ready to come back in — and that’s okay too! There is no such thing as a “perfectly behaved” child at a wedding I always say that children are part of the family story, and if they’re important enough to be included in the wedding, then we have to allow them to be themselves too. A wedding ceremony doesn’t have to be completely silent and perfectly behaved from beginning to end. A little giggle. A wriggle. A whisper. A toddler waving at someone. A child getting emotional. These are all real-life moments. And sometimes, years later, those are the moments that make you smile when you look back at the day. Let’s make them feel included, not worried For me, it’s all about preparation, reassurance and understanding. Talk to older children about what they might see and hear. Give younger children something to keep their little hands and minds busy. And most importantly, if a child becomes overwhelmed, remember that they haven’t misbehaved — they’re simply having a big moment in a big room. As celebrants, parents, grandparents and guests, we can all play a part in making children feel safe and included. Because a wedding isn’t just about two people saying “I do.” It’s about bringing together the people they love most — and that includes the little people too. Your Day, Your Way — and that includes making sure everyone feels comfortable enough to enjoy it.
